Bird in the Hand

Dear Straight Talk,

My question is a good one from a straight friend that I was hanging out with last night that he asked me. He's on eHarmony, went out on a couple dates with a girl and hasn't heard back from her but has five other girls lined up. What should he tell those girls that are waiting and how much longer should he hold out for the girl with whom he just went on two dates?

Sincerely,
Friend of Breeder

******

Dear Friend of Breeder and Breeder,

Very good question, and a quandary that many of us face in dating, job searches, house hunting, etc. We mistakenly believe that just because we have entertained a possibility, it will develop in the way we expect. Dating is just like going on job interviews. Your friend got a second interview. Only the girl knows if she'll call him back and when. There is no reason, other than a love for useless pining away to wait for her to call. And also, he can call her and get rejected, or be surprised that she says, sure I'll meet you again. It doesn't matter at this stage. There are 6 billion people on the planet, she's not special in the grand scheme.

We are all so caught up in finding "the one" that it distracts us from seeing everything and everyone else around us. It's as if we're standing around with a clipboard and a check list in some hurry to "settle down." If that isn't the most boring thing in the world we don't know what is. It's cliche, but relationships are about the journey. You can't be on eHarmony (and you shouldn't be anyway, cause they are homophobic and don't allow same sex couples on their website) hoping to find that one person who will fulfill all your needs. Maybe dating those 5 other women you have "lined up" will help to show you exactly what needs you actually need met and what you're willing to give someone else. When you're getting to know someone you don't reveal everything about yourself in the first 2 hours you know them, do you? There's no need to tell them you've been on a second date with another woman, who has yet to call you back, but you're hoping she does. We'll venture to guess these 5 other women are in the same situation.

The point of dating is that you spend time with many different people. It's a way to practice your social skills, hone your listening ability, express your generosity. Keep dating. If she calls, keep dating others until such time that you and that girl decide to make it exclusive.